Sometimes, people develop interests that differ from their families'. They may change so much over the years that their families no longer recognise or relate to them. They develop a circle of friends who are on the same wavelength as them or have similar interests and outlooks, and these become their closest confidants and sounding boards.
It is not surprising that Jesus and his family drifted apart somewhat. He had seen the Jewish metropolises of his day, picked up a lot of Jewish wisdom, been baptised, spent 40 days in the desert, become an itinerant preacher, attracted a lot of followers, and learnt to argue with the religious authorities. Those who thought they knew him realised they didn’t really: “Isn’t this the carpenter’s son? Where did he get such wisdom?” (Mt 13:55-56).
Surely, his new ministry is more gratifying than discussing types of wood, cross-cut or with-the-grain saws, joins, angles, and hammers. Jesus was looking towards his future, which was built on the past. Somewhere in his formative years, he had changed track – as we all do.
He looks around himself and sees those doing the things most important to him – obeying the will of God. These followers of Jesus are also
docile to God’s plans, just as his mother famously said, “I am the handmaid of the Lord. Let it be done to me according to your word.” (Lk 1:38). They are listening to the Word – the Son – of God, likely hanging on his every word, seeing how it applies to them. The affirmation and the interaction make his whole sacrifice of family life worthwhile. He feels his kinship with his newly expanded family. This is not a tragedy in his life.
Similarly, our family life should not end in alienation but in acceptance that we grow, change, and expand our horizons in different directions. We don’t live in an isolated village. We make allowances for the moral outlooks of different generations, knowing that nothing is static or carved in stone. Otherwise, we risk losing each other.
Am I trying to hold on to an experience of my family as it was years ago? Do I accept that my
children or parents have changed through their life experiences? What do I need to do to reconcile with any members of my family?
Reflections by Peter Knox SJ
